Reservation for One...

Looking back over my blog posts I see an interesting education and coming to know myself.  At 64, I am not where I thought I would be, but I am ready to engage with new adventures.  Life with a psychopath truly found a turning point for me in my beliefs.  One of the most fascinating awareness mile markers comes with the other-side-of-the-mirror view:  I no longer need or have any desire to placate.  That doesn't mean that kindness takes a seat at the back of the bus.  I can remember in my youth, having no desire for confrontation.  Funny, but these days, I am more "me" than ever before.

I suspect much of this is the passage of years and the dearth of rampaging hormones.  Life lessons are like a delighted toddler.  They are experiences that reach beyond themselves...and say to any within ear shot, "hey!  This has been great or upsetting AND always add, 'what's next?'"

If we really do live in a lively hologram, perspective plugs us into a direction.  When I found myself the recipient of illness recently, cleansing my upper GI with outward gusto at times had me focus on notes of importance: "don't worry about me but SAVE the DENTURES!"  Nothing makes one as keenly aware of the lower ranking of aches and pains like a bout of bronchitis.  Working to breath sort of puts all those on a back burner.

I know I am leaving illness behind when I move more quickly, enjoy what I am doing...AND find music a joy again.   There was a great TV show a few seasons ago called "SMASH."  The dynamic characters and scintillating dialog made this behind the scenes of a Broadway musical production deliciously engaging with the soap opera style interactions.  "Let me be your star" could be said by us all to ourselves and the universe of our making at large...

Fade in on a girl

With a hunger for fame

And a face and a name to remember

The past fades away

Because as of this day

Norma Jean's is gone

She's moving on

Her smile and your fantasies

Play a duet

That will make you forget

Where you are

The music starts playing,

It's the beat of her heart saying

                                            Let me be your star.                                                    https://youtu.be/vT8RNEzRFVM 

It isn't so much that I am re-inventing myself as deciding it is Ok to be me.  Life might appear as in the song from the same TV musical, Bombshell, "They just keep movin' the line."  Growth and change are all part of perspective.  

                                                             

                                                               

Today I find unbelievable joy with interacting with my three utterly amazing grandchildren.  They are unique, gifted, full of blissful expectation....And have the superb gumption to visualize vitality in this life experience of now and tomorrow.  Wherever they go in destination, they will create their own fortunes and I get to be a part of the grandly bold emprise.  

I am reminded that "of course, it's very easy to be witty tomorrow, after you get a chance to do some research and rehearse your  ad libs."(Joey Adams)  in the meantime, I am going to expand my views and vantage point.

                                "Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it."

                                                                                        ~George Carlin